i'm so miserably embarrassed by how unhappy this makes me

Smoker,
you are so beautifully fresh,
the plane of your wrist soft against the rigid brightness
of your cigarette.
Your lips are so small
around the butt,
so young,
like the belly of a tiny moist snail.
Your little wet spring lips
are beautiful
with smoke marking your breath;
beautiful,
quivering with
restraint
and
cold
and
something else.

the greatest offense you can pay a poet is loving him back

if i hadn't let you touch my tits, i never would have realized how amazing she is

so thank you, sir, for indirectly introducing me to someone i will likely miss more than my mother

thank you for fondling me

:)

fuck

i am such a faggot

why am i still sad over this

why did i trip over something i didn't even remember you saying

mother, i love you
i love you

but i do not care if you're comfortable with my decisions

they're my decisions, and they will not falter at your hands

i can't put your happiness before mine any longer
and
i'm not sorry

you've made me want you
or maybe not you specifically, but
you've made me want

i saw her face and i thought of you and i was terrified and sick

i feel a little cheated because the first minute of my eighteenth birthday was pointlessly sweet

you're a far cry from ava gardner
(you have body freckles and you haven't fucked sinatra)

well, that was nice

i have put in a valiant effort not to judge you, and it usually works

occasionally i resent you

occasionally i hate you

occasionally i'm fucking terrified of you

occasionally i think you are a beautiful person--passionate, angry, bursting with the recklessness i have always avoided

but most times i realize i don't know you at all, and say nothing

i can't give this to you as we are

this is my most precious secret, something i can only tell once, something i can only whisper in the quietest of moments

something small

something revolutionary

it's not yours, not yet

it's been eighteen years

the truth is this: i am simply tired of being your friend

i have always been fond of the sound of broken cigarettes

that tiny rustle
not devastating
not remarkable

what kind of statement can you make with a sound so small

new years resolutions

1. write something absolutely fucking awesome every day
2. learn to dance
3. read a book so great that i want to tattoo it all over my body
4. tattoo a great book all over my body
5. be just a little bit more defiant
6. get into college
7. survive college
8. don't flunk out of college
9. tear it up on the harmonica
10. make this year remarkable